mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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