very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
