O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
they're like a gay fantastic four
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize