he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
