you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
