dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
