I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
