he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
