So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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