The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
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