I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The ass gains better be worth it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
