god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The beer is more important than you right now.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
