Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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