There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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