my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
