I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
