I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
