Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
