Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
