no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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