Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
