just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
