my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
