Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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