I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
