If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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