why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
