I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
