Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
