capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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