and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
