if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
