i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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