yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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