She is in my trunk
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
