at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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