Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
