he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
