remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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