Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I need to stop coming to work sober
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
