just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Semen is not good for contacts.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
