oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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