i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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