you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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