I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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