I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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