3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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