dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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