So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
