Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
