You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
