wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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