Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
