I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
