so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
