I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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