I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
