My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
