These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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