I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
