You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
