New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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