she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize