DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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