Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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