yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
