I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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