I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
