don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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