I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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