She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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