as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
