Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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