Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
