I must be too annoying 4 u.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
