Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
