How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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