I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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