You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
