Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize