A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
