ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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